Zelda Deathmatch
by ShadowGamer
Summary: Zelda Charecters fight to the death hilariously, who will win? You vote to decide
1. Link versus Zelda

Disclaimer: I got a letter the other day saying I now own Zelda and I'm going to make some changes, first off Navi will now be called Ann Noy, wait mails here. WHAT, I no longer own Zelda =(. Ok, please don't sue me cause I don't own Zelda.   
  
  
Zelda Deathmatch  
  
Episode 1: Link versus Zelda  
  
Voice: Live from Hyrule it's the new fic that will drive everyone wild, Zelda Deathmatch! Now give it up for your author ShadowGamer.  
  
ShadowGamer (me): Hello and welcome to Zelda Deathmatch, this is the first episode of a series where 8 Zelda characters will battle to the death in fights between two contestants. The ShadowForce will bring them back to life after they die so they can continue entertaining us. When someone dies they are out of the tournament and must take a consolation prize. All competitors will get a full set of Hylian Board Games along with another prize. The winner of the tournament will receive one million rupees. Now announcer person, introduce us to our contestants.  
  
Voice: First up, he comes from Death Mountain, he's the king of the Gorons along with the title of king of the repetitive dance. Please welcome Daurinia the Goron.  
  
Daurinia appears and bows to the audience.  
  
Voice: Next up, she comes from the castle, she's everyone's favorite princess. Give it up for Zelda  
  
Zelda appears.  
  
Zelda (yelling): Makeup  
  
Voice: Next we have the hero of time, a Hylian from Koroki Forest. Please welcome Link.  
  
Link shows up and pulls out his master sword.  
  
Voice: Next is Link's wannabe girlfriend  
  
Voice from behind curtain: what do you mean wannabe  
  
Voice: I mean Link's girlfriend, please welcome Ruto Zora.  
  
Ruto: Hi my little Linky.   
  
Ruto starts chasing after Link  
  
Voice: Next is that mischievous little brat who once stole Majora's Mask, Skull Kid!  
  
Skull Kid cartwheels on stage.  
  
Voice: Next is the annoying fairy we all love to hate, Navi the Fairy!  
  
Navi flies onstage.  
  
Voice. Next is the King of Evil, Lord of the Big Nose, able to change into an evil chunk of pork. Please welcome Ganondorf.  
  
Ganondorf appears changes into his pig for quickly, then changes back.  
  
Voice: and last but not least, a girl from the forest, please welcome Saria the Koroki.   
  
Saria appears on stage.  
  
Saria's Fairy (from the audience): go Saria.  
  
ShadowGamer: Now starting next episode the victor of the fights will be decided by a vote at the end of this episode, but for today's episode I'll decide as I write.  
  
Voice: This match is Link versus Zelda  
  
Both characters get into the ring.  
  
Link: Your going down  
  
Zelda: no I'm not, Impa come help me with the fight.  
  
Impa jumps into the ring.  
  
Link: What, there must be a rule against that  
  
ShadowGamer: actually there isn't.  
  
Link: Darn!  
  
Impa pulls out a dagger and Link pulls out Biggorons sword. Link chops off Impa's hands then so she can't hold a weapon.  
  
ShadowGamer: ooh looks like Impa's not too handy.  
  
Audience: shut up that jokes horrible.  
  
ShadowGamer: It's my fic and I can say what I want.  
  
Impa kicks Link hard in the crouch.  
  
ShadowGamer: Ouch, looks like there won't be a Link junior.  
  
Audience: eww.  
  
ShadowGamer: what?  
  
Link sticks his sword through Impa's breast, going strait through her heart.  
  
ShadowGamer: That was heartless Link.  
  
Audience: shut up.  
  
Zelda: Now I'll have to fight myself. Humph.  
  
Zelda jumps in the air Matrix style and gets ready to kick Link.  
  
Link: hey I can see up your dress here.  
  
Zelda (Screaming) Noooooo  
  
Loosing balance Zelda falls to the floor and Link chops off her head.  
  
ShadowGamer: Looks like Link got ahead.  
  
Voice: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor…  
  
A Goron is in a field of flowers.   
  
Voice: are you an ugly Goron, is your skin rougher and flakier than a Gorons should be.  
  
The Goron starts rubbing lotion on his face.  
  
Voice: Goron Lotion, for the Goron who wants to look and feel his best.  
  
Studio reappears, apparently everyone is alive and fully healed now.  
  
ShadowGamer: I'm sorry Zelda but you must go, but don't be sad. You still get all the Hylian Board Games and this fabulous Princess Zelda Halloween costume, makes you look just like the princess herself.  
  
Zelda (angry): But I am the princess, I can't dress up as her for Halloween.   
  
ShadowGamer: Sure, and if you're the princess than I'm ShadowGamer  
  
Zelda (angry): but you are Shad… oh forget it  
  
ShadowGamer: And by the way I know you the princess, and I'm ShadowGamer. I'm just trying to say that's the prize you get, nothing else. Take it or leave it. Next time we'll see Daurinia versus Navi. Who should win? Vote for the one you want to win and we'll find out next week.   



	2. Daurinia versus Navi

Disclaimer: I don't think I own Zelda, let me check. Nope, don't own it.  
  
  
Zelda Deathmatch  
Part 2  
  
By Shadow Gamer  
  
  
We see a stadium with a wrestling ring and bleachers. The bleachers are filled with Hylian people, Zora's, and Gorons. Shadow Gamer sits in a box at the top of the arena with a glass window.  
  
Announcer from loudspeaker: Live from Hyrule, its Zelda Deathmatch with your host Shadow Gamer.  
  
Shadow: Hello and welcome to Zelda Deathmatch. Last time Link laid the smack down on the princess, and we told you that you would pick the winner of today's match. But before we get to the match, we want to ask members of the audience what they thought of last episodes match.  
  
Shadow Gamer walks up to the windmill guy.  
  
Windmill guy: Go around, go around, go around, go around.  
  
Shadow: very interesting.  
  
Shadow walks up to a person, which appears to be Zelda in a skull mask.  
  
Person: I think it was unfair, Link used a cheap trick  
  
Shadow: that's nice princess, you know that mask isn't fooling anyone.  
  
Zelda (previously person): darn!  
  
Shadow: we'll have the match after this word from our sponsor.   
  
Skull kid sits in the field with Tatl and Tael. They look bored and hungry.  
  
Skull kid: I'm bored and hungry.  
  
Tatl: I know, its written down two lines up  
  
Skull Kid: Oh  
  
Tael: I just got some of this new serial Majora's Flakes.  
  
Skull Kid: Let me try them  
  
Skull kid grabs the box and pours a bowl. He then gobbles it down  
  
Skull Kid: Now I feel as if I could control the moon itself.  
  
The moon is suddenly moving closer. Skull kid notices something inside the box and pulls it out. Its Majora's Mask.  
  
Tael: and each box comes with a mask possessed by an evil god.  
  
Skull Kid (with mask): hehehehe   
  
Skull Kid runs and steals Epona and the ocarina of time.  
  
Tael: Majora's Flakes, part of this complete breakfast.  
  
Link is seen chasing Skull kid. Then the Zelda Deathmatch Stadium comes back into view.  
  
Shadow: Welcome back, today's match is Navi versus Daurinia. Let's go to the ring.  
  
Navi and Daurinia are in the ring.  
  
Navi: Hey, look, listen, watch out cause I'm Navi the Fairy, dig it.  
  
Daurinia: Oh, I'm on FF.net, hi ma, hi honey, hi my son. I better do my best dance.  
  
Shadow: Let the match begin.  
  
Daurinia slips on headphones, which are connected, to a Walkman with a full album of Saria's Song.  
  
Navi: Hey Look Listen Watch Out Hey Look Listen  
  
Shadow: Oh my god, it's the most horrifying thing known to man, its fairy talk.  
  
Daurinia can't hear and keeps dancing.  
  
Daurinia: oh yeah what a hot beat.  
  
Daurinia steps on Navi without noticing. However Navi works up super fairy strength and throws Daurinia out of the ring. Daurinia lands on the windmill guy.  
  
Windmill guy (with stars above his head): Go around, go around, look at all the stars go around.  
  
Daurinia (pressing buttons on Walkman): hey what gives its broken.  
  
Navi (super fast): hey look listen hey look listen watch out hey look listen.  
  
Navi flies right up to Daurinia's ear (or where it would be if he had ears) and screams this repeatedly. The audience covers their ears and watch.  
  
Daurinia (screaming): Noooooo my Walkman is broken.  
  
Navi: I don't get it, it doesn't work. Hey I know. Saria's Song is stupid.  
  
Daurinia yells so loud that he explodes. The whole stadium is covered in his blood, except for Shadow Gamer who is still behind bulletproof glass.  
  
Shadow: ha ha, you all have stained clothing.  
  
Audience: So?  
  
Shadow: I don't know, I just needed to make at least one bad joke before the end.  
  
Later, Daurinia is healed and the audience is washed up.  
  
Shadow: Too bad, take a spin of the prize wheel to see what you won.  
  
Daurinia spins a giant wheel and it lands on Goron Mask.  
  
Shadow: Great, this magic mask turns you into a Goron.  
  
Daurinia: But I am a Goron.  
  
Shadow: yeah right, you wish you wore that attractive  
  
Daurinia (growling): just shut up!  
  
Shadow: ok mister Goron king. Next episode we have Ganondorf versus Ruto, so vote on who should win and I'll see you next week on  
  
Announcer and Shadow Gamer simultaneously: Zelda Deathmatch!   



	3. Ruto Versus Ganon

Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda, Pokemon, or any wannabe Jamaican phone psychics.  
  
Disclaimer 2: wannabe Jamaican phone psychics were harmed in the making of this fanfic.  
  
  
  
Zelda Deathmatch  
Part 3  
  
By Shadow Gamer  
  
  
As usual Shadow Gamer is sitting in his class box above the arena. The audience is below him.  
  
Announcer Guy (from now on is called Mr. Announcer): Hey, don't call me Mr. Announcer, there isn't even proof I'm a man since I'm just a voice. Anyway, Live From Hyrule its Zelda Deathmatch with your host Shadow Gamer.  
  
Shadow: Thank you Mrs. Announcer  
  
Announcer Guy: Hey, I didn't say I was a woman either  
  
Shadow: Oookayyy  
  
Random Audience Member: Get on with it!  
  
Shadow: Guards give that man the worst punishment possible, that's right a root canal.   
  
Random Audience Member: Hey you can't do this to me just for *dentist appears* get him away!  
  
Shadow: Anyway, I am very upset that I only got one vote on the outcome of today's match and I bribed that person to do so.  
  
Bribed Person who will be seen by there name next chapter: Hey! I didn't receive any money!  
  
Shadow: so what, really what I'm trying to say is… VOTE! EVERYONE WHO READS THIS FIC SHOULD VOTE! Well the time has come for interviews about last match.  
  
Shadow Gamer walks up to a small yellow rat. You guessed it, Pikachu.  
  
Shadow: What do you think about the Daurinia vrs. Zelda match.  
  
Pikachu: Pi Pika Chu  
  
Shadow: Well said  
  
Shadow walks up to one of those women who pretend to be Jamaican and are fake phone psychics; you know what I'm talking about. There's one in every town or city.  
  
Shadow: What do you think.  
  
Fake phone psychic: *in fake Jamaican accent* I don't see how my cards were wrong, they said Daurinia would win.  
  
Shadow: Lady, I can see how your cards were wrong by the fact that you're a fake. Not only that but I'm ignoring the disclaimer at the top, you do get harmed in this chapter.  
  
Shadow walks up to Zelda in a Keaton Mask.  
  
Shadow: Not this again  
  
Zelda in Keaton Mask: Who? What? Oh who cares about Daurinia, I still think that first match was unfair.  
  
Shadow: We all know its you Zelda  
  
Fake phone psychic: I didn't  
  
Shadow: shut up, *fires a huge blast of black magic at the Fake phone psychic, when the smoke clears she is a real Jamaican*  
  
Fake phone psychic: hey thanks  
  
Shadow: oops wrong spell *fires a blast at the air above her and the Zora King falls on her* that's better  
  
Announcer person: bout time you gave me a name that doesn't have to do with gender, though I don't like the person part cause it sounds lame. Just call me announcer, oh and we'll be back after a word from our sponsor.  
  
Windmill guy sits around by the windmill, suddenly a bunch of bombchu's come out of a hole and blow up stuff.  
  
Windmill Guy: not again, I thought I sprayed for Bombchus.  
  
Voice: Feel like you've been ripped off on pest extermination, call the Tatl and Tael Pest Extermination. They'll manually blow up all every Bombchu they see for only 60,000 rupees plus their medical bills which are estimated at 90,000 rupees.  
  
Tatl: What does manually mean?  
  
Tael: I don't know, what are bills?  
  
Voice: *cough* idiots *cough*  
  
Tatl: so call us today  
  
Windmill Guy: Ah at last my windmill can just go around and around without being blown up.   
  
Child Link comes in and plays the song of the storms  
  
Windmill Guy: oh crud  
  
The stadium appears, as always Shadow is at the top in a glass box.  
  
Announcer: Welcome back to Zelda Deathmatch, today we have Ruto vrs. Ganonpork   
  
Ganondorf: Its Ganondorf loser *fires evil powers at where he thinks the announcer is but instead hits a mysteriously resurrected fake phone psychic. *  
  
Announcer: ha you missed!  
  
Ganondorf: ****  
  
Shadow: hey, what is ****.  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, it's just the censor of this fic censoring out ****  
  
Shadow: oh. Well lets get started, Ruto vrs Ganondorf.  
  
Once in the ring, Ganondorf instantly hits Ruto's cheek.  
  
Ruto: ow. Hold in the pain, gotta win this for Link. If I can beat his enemy He'll love me  
  
Ganon: Ha, after I beat you I'll go on and beat Link.  
  
Ganondorf turns into his pork…  
  
Ganon: Pork Form? No it's just my Ganon form.  
  
Shadow: whatever, I'm writing this and it'll be called the pork form.  
  
Ganondorf transforms into his pork form. His piggish hand slugs Ruto into the edge of the ring.  
  
Ganon: And after I beat Link I'll kill Shadow Gamer so he can't bring the hero of time back to life.  
  
Shadow: What! I'll get you…  
  
Announcer: Wait a second, there happens to be a rule against the writer killing a fighter's opponent for them. Right above the "The announcer shall never show his face and his gender will never be revealed" rule.  
  
Shadow: Well then I'll just help Ruto *snaps fingers and suddenly Ruto is in a large robot*  
  
Ruto: cool  
  
To make a long story short Ganon and Ruto finish each other off…  
  
Shadow: A tie, meaning no one goes on to the next round. Also I found in the rulebook that I'm aloud to punish people for being mean to me in any fashion I please. *Throws strange home made Pokeball at Ganon and catches him* There we go *hands it to Pikachu* give this to your trainer   
  
Pikachu: Pika *runs up and gives it to Ash*  
  
Ash: oh cool, a Ganonpork. I'll send it to Professor Oak  
  
Ganon *from inside Pokeball*: no not Oak, he smells funny.  
  
Ash: We all know about his problems, but he'll eat you very good. I mean treat you very good.  
  
Ganon *still in the ball*: ****  
  
Shadow: There we go with the censor again. By the way, I'm giving Ruto extra rewards for helping me get rid of Porky Pig there.  
  
Ganon *inside ball*: hey I heard that! *Starts crying*  
  
Shadow: First off, you get a Zora mask  
  
Ruto: I feel ripped off  
  
Shadow: don't yet, it has Links name on it and comes with free super glue that only sticks people named Link to masks, but it won't be given to you till after Link is out of the competition. Also you win a dinner for 2 with Link, its mandatory for him to win anything. And the board games also.  
  
Ruto: Yay!   
  
Shadow: Next time Saria and Skull Kid will fight, vote or else I'll send a fake phone psychic to your house.  
  
Announcer: and he will too, he did it to me once. See you next time  
  
The End  
  
Epilogue   
  
Professor Oak is getting ready to eat Ganon  
  
Ganon *who is out of the ball but tied to a table*: grrrr *snaps rope* I'm free, but not at full power. *Turns into Ganondorf and conks Professor Oak on the head with his staff like an old man does with his cane*  
  
Ganon then runs out of the building.  
  
The True End  



	4. Enter the Skull Kid

Disclaimer: Zelda, Dragonball and Dragonball Z, Pokemon, and everything else besides the name ShadowGamer are mine, got it?   
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda Deathmatch part 4  
  
Enter the Skull Kid  
  
By Shadow Gamer  
  
  
The whole stadium of Zelda Deathmatch is in view. Inside the audience is getting ready to see who is randomly reviewed today; ShadowGamer sits in his box at the top of unbreakable glass.  
  
Announcer: Live from Hyrule and broadcast on Fanfiction.net its Zelda Deathmatch. Today Saria the Koroki girl with the blinding bright green hair will take on our main man Skull Kid. Dig it?  
  
ShadowGamer: I think we dig it. Anyway…  
  
A well-dressed lawyer walks in; he's holding a briefcase.  
  
Lawyer: I represent Nintendo, they're going to sue you.  
  
ShadowGamer: But I put a disclaimer  
  
Lawyer: Nintendo is above the law  
  
Shadow begins building up energy.  
  
ShadowGamer: Kamehame….   
  
Lawyer: Eek, in that case I'm sure they'll drop it. But don't expect the Dragonball lawyer to be better, wait a second I'm the Dragonball lawyer.  
  
ShadowGamer: Guards take him away  
  
Goku and Krillin come out and grab the lawyer  
  
Goku: Where should we take him  
  
ShadowGamer: To the pit  
  
Krillin: Gasp, the worst punishment  
  
ShadowGamer: yes the pit with an angry version of Chi-Chi in it. Bwahahahahahahaha   
  
Random Audience Member: Hey has anyone else noticed the first page was nothing but Dragonball jokes  
  
ShadowGamer: So, I've been watching a lot of Dragonball lately. So sue me, guards take him to the pit.  
  
Both the audience member and the lawyer are taken to the pit.  
  
ShadowGamer: Now for the audience interviews. *Walks up to Vegeta*  
  
Vegeta: I don't know, I didn't watch the previous episode. I just came to see the violence of today's show and hope a fight breaks out.  
  
ShadowGamer: Well said. Next up is our more humorous interview with a disguised Zelda, its not scheduled but it happens every episode *walks up to Zelda's seat only to find it empty*   
  
ShadowGamer: What's this? Zelda's not here, maybe she finally realized she was sitting in the competitors free seating row *next to Zelda's seat is Daurinia, Saria, Skull Kid, and everyone else who's competing or competed in the fic except for Ganondorf of course*  
  
Voice: Not quite, but now that you point that out it was kind of stupid.  
  
Everyone turns to look to see Zelda dressed in black leather.  
  
Zelda: Now I shall kill you all *pulls out machine gun*  
  
ShadowGamer: Yeah right *energy begins to gather in hands* Kamehameha *blast fires and destroys the machine gun* and now…  
  
Master Roshi: Wait, don't kill her. I got to get some of that!   
  
Master Roshi runs after Zelda and she runs. Moment's late loud noises can be heard and then silence.  
  
ShadowGamer: Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk  
  
Announcer: Let's take a quick break.  
  
We see a picture of Goku  
  
  
Voice: Do you want to be like Goku  
  
Goku's Voice: Kamehameha  
  
Voice: Its easy to master the Kamehameha technique, just send 10 payments of 9000 dollars to ShadowGamer at ShadowGamer road in ShadowGamer's Dimension.  
  
A note in small print appears at the bottom of the screen, it reads: Program will probably not teach you how to Kamehameha unless your Saiyan, super human, or it may take 50 years. Product takes 1 to 6 mili-seconds to deliver. ShadowGamer industry's is not to blame if you get sued for using Kamehameha to kill that bully at school, you know the one.  
  
Screen returns to the inside of the stadium  
  
ShadowGamer: Now we are going to show you the match, thank god. Stay tuned after the match for the prize dealing to the loser and the preview of next episode.  
  
Saria and Skull Kid walk into the arena.  
  
Skull Kid: I don't want to hurt you Saria, I have a crush on you.  
  
Saria: too bad creep  
  
Saria jumps onto Skull Kid's face and latch's on.  
  
Saria: Hiss  
  
Skull Kid: Ack, Tatl and Tael I need you to get her off me for a second.  
  
Tatl and Tael mysteriously appear and start yelling fairy talk into Saria's ear and nothing happens  
  
Saria: After a whole life of listening to my fairy I've gotten used to it. Speaking of which come here Brute   
  
A beefy and muscular fairy attacks Tatl and Tael who respond with sending a Bombchu used in the commercial for there Bombchu manual explosion service. Brute the Fairy's body parts go all around.  
  
ShadowGamer: Just what we wanted to see, what fairies look like inside of themselves, and there go the guts.  
  
Saria: I must thank you Skull Kid, but later  
  
Skull Kid: That's it, Tatl and Tael go fetch me some Majora's Flakes.  
  
Tatl and Tael fly off and return with a box of Majora's Flakes.  
  
Skull Kid: Thank you! *Eats Majora's Flakes and pulls out the free Majora's Mask then puts it on and laugh's demonically*  
  
ShadowGamer: Uh Oh, this looks bad  
  
*Skull Kid makes a large meteor fall on Saria*  
  
Skull Kid: hehehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha  
  
Skip to three hours later, Saria is alive and somehow the Majora's Mask was removed from Skull Kid.  
  
ShadowGamer: I am sorry Saria but it is not in my contract to resurrect fairy's that die battling for a contestant.  
  
Saria: Thank god  
  
ShadowGamer: and here's your prize. A new Fairy!  
  
Saria: Crap  
  
The most annoying fairy ever: Hi Saria, you can call me Ann, Ann Noy. Tee he, lets go play checkers. Lets stay up all night for a week.  
  
ShadowGamer: Now next time on a very special Zelda Deathmatch.  
  
Announcer: Calling all authors, we ask you to volunteer to make a guest appearance in the audience and…  
  
Interrupting and familiar Voice: Hello, it is me Ganon back from the dead for revenge (to find out how read the side fic Ganondorf's Rampage) I have come up with a way to steal the Triforce and already have two thirds. I will arrive at the studio in time for the next episode, see you then Shadow.  
  
Announcer: Holy ****, as I was saying you might even be useful. In this case I guess it's to fight Ganon. Anyway all volunteers will have front row seats for these last two episodes. You must be a Zelda author to volunteer. Till then.  
  
All: See you next time  
  
To be Continued  



	5. Hero's Rath

Zelda Deathmatch   
Chapter 5  
Hero Wrath  
  
Announcer: Welcome to Zelda Deathmatch, and by the way… I'm out of here!  
  
Shadow Gamer: Chicken! Oh hello I'm Shadow Gamer, and today is a grim day in FF.net history. You see Ganon wants revenge on me and is heading for the studio with a device that will let him steal Link's Triforce of Courage after already stealing Zelda's Triforce of Wisdom. I think this scarred off most people who would be guests, too bad. I've got one though, give it up for Summoner Ami. She recently wrote a fic called I Love you Deku and is an old friend of mine.  
  
Ami: Yeah and here's my friend Cthullu *Eldritch god Cthullu is taking up the rest of the row*  
  
Shadow: Oops in all the fear I forgot to add a disclaimer, who cares though. Ami was also the bribed voter mentioned in chapter 3. Now for the interviews about last episodes match, since were strapped for time due to Ganon's increasing approach there will only be one. *Walks up to Tingle* what did you think?  
  
Tingle: Who care about it, I'm exited about seeing the cute little fairy today.  
  
Shadow: Well said, now for the match…  
  
Link and Navi stare at each other in an arena  
  
Link: Finally I can whoop you!  
  
Navi: Yeah right, *really fast* hey look listen hey look listen hey look listen hey.  
  
Link: Ho Hum  
  
Navi: Nooooooooooooooo   
  
Link clamps a bottle around Navi  
  
Navi: Ha, It will take years for me to suffocate because fairy's can hold their breath for a long time.  
  
Link: That's why I prepared this *drops a smoke bomb with bug spray in it also* Ha  
  
Navi: Gasp, no *dies*  
  
Link: I rule, I rule go Link its your birthday.  
  
ShadowGamer: I think we owe Link a big thank you!  
  
Audience: Thank you Link!  
  
ShadowGamer: Now when we come back we'll award Navi and then *gulp* try to beat Ganonpork.  
  
Ad comes on with a picture of the master sword  
  
Voice: It slices it dices and it can be yours for one hero of time!  
  
Ad ends  
  
Scene goes back to the stadium  
  
Shadow: That was the lamest joke ad ever. And now Navi gets her prize, a new owner.  
  
Navi: who?  
  
Shadow: Tingle!  
  
Navi: Crap!  
  
Ganon in hog form bursts through the wall and pulls out a pair of tweezers  
  
Shadow: That's the device  
  
Ganon: The magic tweezers of Triforce Stealing  
  
Shadow: oh  
  
Ganon grabs Link's hand and sticks the tweezers into Links skin, as everyone looks away Ganon removes the Triforce of Courage and it combines with the other two.  
  
Shadow: crap  
  
Ganon: Plus I took these from your storage closet *pulls out the Earth Dragonballs*  
  
Shadow: Double crap  
  
Ganon: And these *pulls out Chaos Emeralds*  
  
Shadow: ****. Stupid piece of pork  
  
Ganon grows and yellow hair comes and spikes out of his head.  
  
Ganon: Super Porkon form 1  
  
Shadow: Rip off of Dragonball Z  
  
Ganon: So  
  
Shadow: Security *Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, and Trunks run out* get him  
  
Ganon suddenly summons up countless minions plus Dark Link in a Darth Vader helmet.  
  
Link: Hey who are you?  
  
Darth Link: I am Darth Link  
  
Darth Link pulls out lightsaber   
  
Link: Crap  
  
Shadow: here *tosses pen*  
  
Link: I've heard the pen is mightier than the sword but this is ridiculous *accidentally clicks pen and a lightsaber beam comes out* never mind  
  
Ami: Cthullu get them!  
  
Cthullu starts eating Redeads   
  
Tingle: Tingle Tingle Bazooka *Bazooka falls into Tingle's hands and he begins firing away*  
  
Z warriors attack Ganon and get tossed around like nothing. Meanwhile Link and Darth Link are fighting with lightsabers, Link knocks off Darth Link's helmet revealing Dark Link.  
  
Link: You  
  
Dark Link: no duh! Link I am your father.  
  
Link: No! *Slashes madly and his hand gets cut off*  
  
Link looks at his hand and sees it's only a paper cut.  
  
Shadow: Hey, What's happening. I leave for the bathroom and my action figures come to life and start writing the story.  
  
Ami: That explains the plot holes and bad writing then.  
  
Shadow drops a cage on Ganon to give him time to think.  
  
Shadow: I know I'll look up strategies on FF.net  
  
Ruto: ooh I know a good fic *goes to NC 17 lemons*  
  
Shadow: I'm too young to see these, hey wait a second Ganon is on the door to Chi Chi's pit *runs up and pulls the lever* darn the doors stuck but hey the wood's light weight there. Ruto look up a *whisper*  
  
Ruto: Ewwwwww that's even too nasty for me. *Pulls lemon up*  
  
Ganon: *looks at the lemon and gets angry causing him to turn into Super Porkon 3* Now you've made me mad *wood can't support Ganon and he falls into the pit where his screams are heard*  
  
Shadow: Ouch, that's gotta hurt.   
  
Ami and Cthullu look down there  
  
Chi Chi's voice: You dare hurt Goku, I'll give you what for!  
  
Machine guns are heard  
  
Ganon's Voice: Get away from me!  
  
Ami: ooh, he's not getting up for a while  
  
*Chi Chi jumps out of pit*  
  
Chi Chi: that hog said that you hurt Goku too, and Gohan  
  
Ami and Cthullu run cartoon style straight through the wall  
  
Shadow: Ahem, our contract  
  
Chi Chi: Oh sorry *jumps back in pit and more gunshots are heard*  
  
Shadow: Next time is the finals with Link vrs. Skull Kid, and I better get lots of votes on this one. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.  
  
To be concluded  



	6. Final Fight, or......

Disclaimer: This Is it, I WON"T say this any more in this fic as of today… wait it's the last chapter, oh well. Zelda = Nintendo, Dragonball Z = Toei, ShadowGamer = Me, E=MC little 2.  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda Deathmatch Final: Skull Kid Unchained  
  
Announcer: I'm back, but only since Shadow threatened to sick Chi-Chi on me otherwise. Today is it, thank god, Link vrs. Skull Kid one on one, now here's ShadowGamer *runs off*  
  
Shadow (yelling): Hello Hyrule, are you ready to rock?  
  
Ganon suddenly bursts in the room followed by Nappa, Cell, Raditz, Super Buu, Frieza, and all the other Dragonball villains.  
  
Ganon: not only do I have the Angry and Supposed to be Dead Dragonball Villains Anonymous group, I have a new relic. *Holds up Holy Grail*  
  
Shadow: *snaps fingers really quick and without Ganon noticing the bridge of death and the old guy who guards it from Monty Python and the Holy Grail appear under Ganon* Do you even know what the Holy Grail is used for?  
  
Ganon: I… I don't know *villains fly through the roof and a long, long, way away. Ganon drops the Holy Grail*  
  
Shadow: Hmm, this will sell well on E-bay. Anyway, Link and Skull Kid will fight today but first the interviews. This time with a former competitor *Walks up to Ruto, who is tied to her seat to keep from harassing Link* What did you think Mrs. Zora  
  
Ruto: Link was so cute when he trapped Navi!  
  
Shadow: Forget the interviews, let's go straight to an advertisement from our sponsor.  
  
Text: And now a word from the health board.  
  
Guy from Health Board: Always chew your food thirty times  
  
Thirty Pikachus fall from the sky.  
  
GfHB: Chew not Pikachu   
  
Pikachus: Pikachuuuu *shock guy and run off. *  
  
A noise is heard  
  
GfHB: Now what  
  
Bombchu's fall on him and blow up.  
  
Zelda Deathmatch stadium is seen again.  
  
Shadow: Ok, I can't even stress how lame that ad was. Oh well, on to the match.  
  
Skull Kid pulls out Majora's Flakes, but theirs no mask.  
  
Skull Kid: What? No Mask! Hey a note, it reads "a little girl with green hair sued us for putting evil relics in serial!" *stares at Saria angrily* Oh well those weird guards taught me some moves.  
  
Before Skull Kid can react Link charges at Skull Kid with his sword. Just as Links about to hit Ruto's ropes break and she runs and Link and hugs and kisses him. Goku comes and ties her back to her chair.  
  
Goku: She's worse than Chi-Chi!  
  
Chi-Chi (from pit): I heard that! Who said that? Did they hurt Goku?  
  
Goku: Oh brother.  
  
Skull Kid charges and tickles Link causing Link to fall on the floor distracting him.  
  
Skull Kid: Now to use that move those guards taught me, how did it go something like this I suppose *puts hands back by his side* Kame *steps forward* Hame *puts hands in front* Skull! *Nothing happens*  
  
Goku: Its Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, not Skull!  
  
Skull Kid: Oh right! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *Blast of Ki fires at Link hurting him*  
  
Link: Who, heh heh that was cool. Luckily I have my Kamehameha gun *pulls out a gun with a voice thing on it*  
  
To make a long story short they both fire Kamehameha's (Skull's from his hands and Links from his gun) making an explosion hurtling them both to opposite sides of the arena. Only Skull Kid gets up and Link's unconscious so Skull Kid strangles him to death. Now the prizes are being handed out.  
  
Shadow: Link, you get a new Koroki tunic and this snappy wristwatch *holds up beaten down early 1900's wristwatch*  
  
Link: Thanks…. I guess…  
  
ShadowGamer: Skull Kid you get A million Rupee's and a fancy new Hylian Furarai car *A maniacal version of the Announcer suddenly comes and steals the prizes along with Links prizes, and every one else's except Ganondorf who didn't get one, Ruto's, and Navi's then runs off* Woh! That was scary  
  
Ruto: Yay he didn't take mine  
  
Link: Great, now we have no prizes.  
  
Shadow: Your right, for everyone except for Ruto and Navi this whole show was pointless. I might do an Epilogue or something and pay you for being in it so it won't be pointless. So loyal readers keep a close eye out for it.  
  
Link: Oh no, please not that!  
  
The End 


End file.
